Black Lives Matter

This is gonna be another too long post so before I write so much that you stop reading I want to share the most important parts first:

Here’s a helpful bail fund for protesters that my very good friend told me to donate to: https://www.communityjusticeexchange.org/nbfn-directory

Here’s an informative documentary about the Black Power movement that my very nice professor told me to watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFWHNpfjByQ

Here’s an important book (made into an also important movie) about a police shooting that my very smart sister told me to read: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32075671-the-hate-u-give

And now that that’s out of the way, the next thing I want to say is I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to say anything. Like many others, I’ve been overwhelmed with everything going on right now so for my own mental health, I decided to try taking a social media break a couple of weeks ago which as you can imagine has become much harder in the last week.

To be honest, at first I didn’t plan on saying anything. This was primarily because as an able-bodied white man, I didn’t think my voice was what needed to be heard right now, but also, as that same able-bodied white man, I was afraid of my own ignorance and didn’t want to say the wrong thing. However, after lots of thinking and more than a little crying, I now realize that saying something is more important than saying nothing at all.

Plus, it helped when a very honest friend reminded me that at a time like this, “White Silence is Violence.”

So without further ado, I’m sorry in advance for putting my able-bodied white man foot in my able-bodied white man mouth, but here I go:

I don’t know what to say.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how to help.

Now more than ever, I am aware of my own complacency and I am paralyzed with sadness, anger, and guilt.

I am sad for our country.

I am angry at our leaders.

But most of all, I am guilty.

Police brutality and racial inequality have strangled our society for years, decades, and centuries, and I’m disheartened that it’s taken me and so many others this long and a situation this bad to truly open our eyes and see the American justice system for what it is: broken, unequal, and racist.

Unfortunately, too many of us have tried to pretend that things weren’t so bad and maybe they were even getting better, but it’s become clear in the last week that this is an incorrect judgement based on our own more positive experiences and misguided hope.

Truth is that for a large portion of our population, especially people of color, these issues have not only held them back but have threatened their lives day in and day out. And yet, I say all of this now and I’m just getting more mad at myself for saying any of it at all because I know I don’t know what I’m talking about.

But I do know this:

I didn’t have to worry when a police officer came into my home. I do not have to show my empty hands when a police officer pulls me over. And I will not have to explain to my children if they look like me why a police officer might treat them differently one day.

It is a privilege that I don’t have to do any of these things, and because of that privilege, as much as I try to empathize I will never completely understand the fear that black and brown people live with every day so today I can't help but feel overwhelmed, useless, and even sorry.

I’m sorry for what I’ve done.

I’m even more sorry for what I have not done.

And I’m also sorry for writing “I” so much and making this all about me.

You should not be afraid every time a cop car drives behind you.

You should not have to look behind your back every time you go on a run.

And most of all, you should not have to worry about getting shot in your own fucking home.

You are angry, hurt, and justified in all of your thoughts, feelings, and actions right now.

This is not the time for compromise. It is the time for change.